I'm confused right now

Hello all,

Its been a long time since I last log in to my blogger. I really miss my blogging life like how I used to do it when I'm in secondary school. Blog almost every single day. So, I decided to come back to this wonderful place after few months of inactive on my blog. It's been a while since I really last updated my blog. I feel so incomplete for the past few months or so till now for not updating my blog and I rarely open it since I'm a big time procrastinator as always.

This semester will be my final semester and I'm done! Whats left will be the Final Year Project and I'm off to the real world. I cant wait but at the same time I know I'll miss uni life. Throughout my life in Uni, God blessed me with group of lovely friends. In my university life, every semester I meet different people and I mixed with different kind of people. God blessed me with awesome friends that I'm blessed to have them and I thank God for the blessing. Not just in partying, but in studies and assignments as well. They are great study companion as well as party starter. Due to all these fun and awesome experiences I had in my uni life, I'll definitely miss the freedom I have. O well. Nth goes our way all the time. No pain no gain. :)

There's always ups and downs in life. There are times that I almost give up because of hurtful feelings and I cannot take it anymore. Honestly, until now I don't have any idea why do I feel good torturing myself. I find pleasure in pain.

I guess I am an introvert person when it comes to expression deep feelings. Few people came to me and told me that I should stop keeping problems to myself. People ask whatsup with my life and I aint know how to share my feelings and my thoughts. All I did was smiling back to them and say all is good and I'll divert the attention to somewhere else. I try not to cause trouble/worries/etc to people around me. Some said I changed. Changed in a positive way. Yes I did. But in what sense I really do not know. I know the past taught me a lot.

For the past few weeks, I'm in my denial mode. I need to get myself out or else I'll go deeper and never get myself out. Keeping a distance. I know I am in trouble right now..

At times I wonder what the answer will be.. Or am I doing the right thing.

I wish to have it my way but I know is close to impossible simply because timing is not right and is it definitely not the right thing to do. O well, all I can do now is to surrendering it to God. Ever since the 2 years ago incident, I guess nothing can hurt me more than that.. I believe I am able to go through it. 

Music expresses that which cannot be put into words and that which cannot remain silent

Yeap, I'm confused. :( Left alone with my own thoughts.. and my heart is freaking me out. 

till then..